As I lay here I think about what I have left at home, nothing but loneliness and nothingness fills that home. Although it has nothing good for me there I love it because it was my grandmother's house. She passed in 1990 when I was 13. I was old enough to remember her and cherish her, but that was different for my 3 year old brother who will not remember her and if he does it will be just a small memory that will fade to nothing over time. Her death will mean something to him, but he won't hurt as much as it hurts the rest of us.
I think to the future and how it will be when he asks who his grandmother was and what she was all about. He'll ask questions I'll feel obligated answer that I may not be ready to answer at that time. He deserves to know but, he is too young to know enough of what is going on at home right now. I hope that one day he will know who she is and remember how I do. I will honor her in everyway I can now. I don’t want to go back to loneliness and the depressing home that awaits me. It is sad there right now with everyone grieving.
Ever since I moved into my grandmother's house I have felt close to her. If I go back, will it feel better? Will I be less sad? Either way I have to go home at one point to her house. I will go back, but again it is nice here in Cancun, and I don’t want to leave. Maybe I will stay here for a while, and relax. That sounds like a good idea to me.
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